The Things We Pack by Mistake
When the wildfire came too close to our home, we had minutes to leave. The sky was dark, the air heavy, and my phone wouldn’t stop dinging with messages from neighbors: We need to evacuate. It’s coming fast.
We loaded what we could into two cars, a blur of clothes, papers, photos in arms reach, musical instruments – none of it really organized, all of it urgent. Later that night, I opened my youngest son’s suitcase to find it full of sweaters. It was the middle of the hottest Colorado summer I can remember, and the child who didn’t wear sweaters when it snowed, packed sweaters. I asked why he packed them.
He shrugged. “I thought those were my nicest clothes.”
I’ve thought about that moment so many times since. In the middle of fear, we all grab for what feels safe, the things that make sense in some small way, even if they don’t really fit what’s happening.
When a loved one is struggling with substance use or mental health challenges, families do the same thing. We “pack sweaters” – old patterns of fixing, rescuing, smoothing things over, pretending it’s okay. We pack control. We pack guilt. We pack all the things that once kept us warm but don’t protect us anymore.
It’s not because we’re doing it wrong. It’s because we’re scared.
Fear makes us reach for what we think will help, when what we really need is to pause long enough to see what we’re carrying, and maybe, just maybe, unpack what no longer serves us.
Parallel Recovery® teaches that part of healing is noticing what we’ve been hauling around. The habits, the expectations, the stories. Sometimes the first act of courage isn’t running into the fire to save everything – it’s standing still long enough to ask, What can I leave behind this time?
Because healing isn’t about packing perfectly. It’s about learning to travel lighter.
With warmth and gentleness,
Lisa