Living Forward Means Coming Back to Yourself
For a long time, I thought the only way things would get better was if my son changed. If he just stopped the problem behavior. If he just got into treatment. If he just stuck with it. spent years waiting, watching, holding my breath and believing that my peace, my stability, even my worth as a mom was tied to his choices.
Even when he was in treatment, I still felt like I was unraveling. Even when he was doing “better,” I was still afraid. I carried the same patterns of control, fear, and silence that had become second nature in our family. Nothing truly shifted until I finally turned the focus inward and asked a much harder question: What about me? Who am I in this story?
The Mirror Moment
I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror one morning, exhausted and hollow, staring back at a woman I barely recognized. My body was tense, my eyes carried years of worry, and my spirit felt brittle. For so long, I had been running on survival mode. I poured everything into managing my son’s chaos while ignoring my own crumbling foundation.
That mirror moment was a starting point. I realized I couldn’t keep waiting for him to change so that I could breathe. I needed to change how I was showing up in the world, for myself, and for my family.
Why Reflection Matters
This is why reflection is foundational step in Parallel Recovery®. Because before we can shift patterns of communication, or step into healthier behaviors, or even grieve what’s been lost, we have to look honestly at ourselves. Not to blame, but to notice.
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Where have I lost myself in someone else’s struggle?
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How have fear and control shaped my reactions?
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What would it look like to reclaim my voice, my health, my presence?
These were not easy questions. But they were the doorway to my healing. Reflection gave me permission to see myself again, not just as “the mom of someone struggling,” but as a whole person with my own recovery to live and model.
The “Me Too” Moment
When I share this part of my journey in groups or with clients, I often see tears in someone’s eyes. I hear the quiet whisper: me too. So many of us – parents, partners, siblings, friends -have been taught to measure our wellbeing by someone else’s progress. We live on edge, waiting for the next phone call, holding our breath for their choices.
Our healing doesn’t have to wait on theirs.
A Different Kind of Recovery
Taking a hard look in the mirror didn’t magically fix everything. But it did change the way I approached everything. Instead of waiting for my son to stabilize, I started stabilizing myself. Instead of pouring all my energy into managing him, I began tending to my own health, my community, and my purpose. That shift didn’t just change me, it created change in the entire atmosphere of our home.
That’s what Parallel Recovery® is about. It’s not about detaching with love or cutting ties, it’s about reclaiming your own recovery alongside, maybe even ahead of, your loved one’s. It’s about recognizing that healing flows both ways, and that your reflection is the starting place.
If you’re reading this and you feel the ache of recognition, I want you to know you’re not alone. Your mirror moment doesn’t have to be dramatic, it just has to be honest. And when you start to see yourself again, when you begin to choose recovery for you, something powerful shifts.
This October, as the seasons turn and the days shorten, maybe it’s time for you to pause and ask: What about me? Because your recovery matters. Your story matters. And you, and they deserve to see yourself whole again.
With presence and gentleness,
Lisa